The Lost Archives #16.5: April FOOOLS
Hi everyone, we’ve been extremely busy since the last post, and whilst this is a monthly update blog, there are some very important notes that I wanted to get across that couldn’t wait. To make this as simple as possible, I’ll split up each part into bullet points so as to make it as simple a bullet point as can be split up into more bullet points. So if you’re with me let’s get right into those nice bullet points mmmmm:
- First, but by no means last, is the first bullet point.
- To make the game easier to launch, when downloaded it’ll run at startup every time you start your computer. This feature will have a toggle in settings, but that won’t stop it starting without your permission.
- We will organise a venue for people to fight irl for their anomaly ideas to be put forward, or to stop other people’s ideas coming to fruition.
- The first mouse came out in 1964, but as we are now in the 203rd decade, we have decided to drop all mouse support for the game. Instead you will have to use voice commands for all actions, with the trigger being “what do you mean you’re only 16”. We hope this trigger will stop people from playing this game when other people are around, so that you can talk with them!
- All sentences in the discord must start with CONTAINCORP MESSAGE ALERT from hence forwards.
- CONTAINCORP MESSAGE ALERT to make the game as basic as possible you won’t have to do anything at all but watch your screen as the game plays for you!
- CONTAINCORP MESSAGE ALERT we will limit the fps on all laptops to 1 fps to help save battery life whilst playing. If you are on a desktop then we will ask you kindly to unplug your monitor periodically whilst in game to help save electricity.
- CONTAINCORP MESSAGE ALERT All sentences from now on won’t start with CONTAINCORP MESSAGE ALERT unless you need to start with CONTAINCORP MESSAGE ALERT but that’s on you, not me.
- We will be making a new discord server for every member where you can invite people to join and get them to create a new server as well (not a pyramid scheme as if it’s one person to one other person invited then it’s really a line scheme, not a pyramid).
- We’ve decreased the animation speeds in game so if you press a button, it should take about 5 minutes to open a menu. We hope this will make speed running the game a lot more calculated.
- There is a small chance the in-game NPCs can become self-aware but we hope to patch that soon.
- @oli can finally have a shoutout because why not.
- All patreon members will be able to do a Thanos snap and remove half of all messages ever sent, but will be liable to deleting them manually.
- When creating an account on our website we now ask for your National Insurance number if you are in the UK, so that we can pay your taxes for you. Definitely not illegal as far as our R&D team know.
- We now have an R&D team who are trying to find our anomalies in real life right now.
- The last, but not the first bullet point.
This but scratches the surface of what’s going on so keep tuned and we’ll see you on the 16th.